Q: I really hate giving oral sex — I just can’t get over the “ick” factor. Is it really that important?

A: To most men, it is important. If there’s one thing men say they don’t get enough of, it’s blow jobs. And here’s why: Oral sex is very intimate and pleasurable (as you probably know from having received it — I hope!). Some men consider it more intimate than intercourse. Your moist, warm mouth — combined with the oral gymnastics your lips and tongue are performing — can create a multitude of thrilling sensations. And all the while, he gets to lie back and focus only on his pleasure, without any pressure to perform. Psychologically, men often feel that oral sex shows how much a woman wants and accepts all of him. Many say it makes them feel special and loved. So if you care for your partner, I believe the question should not be whether you want to provide him with oral pleasure but, rather, how often! He shouldn’t have to beg for it or have to wait for that once-a-year opportunity!

My question to you is: What exactly turns you off about blow jobs? Lots of women describe that “ick” factor you mention in getting up close and personal with a man’s private parts — do you view the male genitals as dirty? For some, the practice is degrading — “good girls don’t.” Still others are afraid they don’t have the skills to give pleasure through fellatio. And few look forward to gagging or, um, swallowing.

Well, let me reassure you that blow jobs can be fun. In fact, performing fellatio can be enjoyable for some women (really!). What’s more exciting than watching your partner in the throes of ecstasy and knowing that you brought him there? Done willingly, with the goal of providing pleasure, giving oral sex can make you feel powerful. And if your partner’s going down on you, shouldn’t you return the favor? (If he’s not, doing it for him can give you an excuse to ask him to reciprocate — and if he won’t, to discuss why not.)

Let’s work on getting you comfortable with this sexy move. First, you should never feel “bad” or guilty about performing oral sex — it’s healthy and normal, just another way to spice up your sex life. Second, if you are worried about cleanliness, take a shower with your partner before sex (which can be good clean fun on its own). Third, you don’t need to know any expert tricks; simply placing your partner’s penis in your mouth will bring him loads of pleasure. If you do want to learn a few new ideas, go to a bookstore and browse one of the many sex guides on the shelves. And finally, between you and me: No, you don’t have to swallow!

Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City and the author of Pleasure. 

There are couples who have sex pretty often — say, a good three times a week. Then there are those twosomes who burn up the bedsheets so regularly, you have to wonder: How do they do it? They have full-time jobs, maybe a couple of kids and only 24 hours in the day, just like the rest of us. And yet somehow, their desire to get down and dirty manages to transcend these major time and energy (not to mention libido) drains. What’s their secret?

Well, we talked with some of these extra-passionate pairs and found that the “tricks” that allow them to squeeze so much sex into their schedules are so insanely simple, we just had to pass the info on. Try their advice, and pretty soon you’ll find that your day is full of opportunities to tear your clothes off. What’s more, you’ll get the passion humming between you and your guy 24/7 — and what couple wouldn’t want that?

Secret #1: Assign a sex quota
When you’re both juggling a billion things — work, kid’s piano recital, calling the plumber — finding the time for a little lovin’ can be the last thing on your mind. So to ensure it not only gets penciled in but takes top billing, steal Eliza’s trick and give yourselves a weekly sex goal. “Seven years and two kids into our marriage, we became consumed by the chaos of daily responsibilities and let sex slide,” says the 34-year-old. “We knew it was crucial to find time to be intimate, but a stock Friday-night-sex-date idea felt too contrived, so we created a variation: Every Monday we pick a random number and have to have sex that many times before the week ends. If three days go by with zero action, we know we’ve got to make up the time fast. For instance, the other day, while the kids were in the backyard with their grandmother, my husband called me into the garage to help him ‘organize a shelf.’ But when I got there, he grabbed me and pulled me into the backseat of the car. He said he had no choice since we needed to get busy to make the quota.”

Secret #2: Crank up your doing-it drive
Carnal connoisseurs never sit around waiting for the mood to strike — they make the mood strike. Sasha, 36, got sick of holding out for her libido to spring into action: “I thought that desire was supposed to wash over me,” she says. “But waiting for that to happen in the midst of dealing with the rest of our lives meant sex was becoming a very rare event.” Now, whenever she and her husband have a window of opportunity, Sasha jump-starts her libido with some X-rated thoughts. “I reminisce about the last time my husband and I had great sex — his touch, his breath on my skin, his sweet murmurings in my ear,” she says. “By focusing on my sexiest memories, I’ll bring myself to a fired-up state that often leads us into bed.”

Secret #3: Take turns giving and receiving
“My husband and I have different schedules, so we’re not always boiling over with energy at the same times,” says Heather, 39. “So we decided that when he’s raring to go and I’m utterly beat, he can become the sexual ringmaster for the night. I’ll lie back and let him turn me on: There are times when I literally don’t raise a finger and just enjoy the ride. It’s guilt-free because he knows he’ll get the favor returned another night.”

If, like Heather, you make a deal with your man that you’ll trade off take-charge roles, you’ll double the number of your sexcapades and keep your partnership brimming with erotic energy no matter how tired you are. “Think of all those times you bagged the idea because one of you was too pooped,” points out Heather. “We’re so much happier now because we’re making an effort to keep the thrills coming.”

Secret #4: Rejigger your carnal clock
If you keep sex relegated to the dud time slot between the 10 o’clock news and passing out on the pillow, it’s gonna suffer. Ditch the restricting notion that sex is a bedtime ritual, and suddenly you’ll discover lots of little daily openings to do it in. “Our best sex is the five-thirty fling, when my husband and I both get home from work,” says Jenny, 34. “Stripping off each other’s work clothes is so hot that we both spend the afternoon looking forward to it.” Happy hour isn’t the only prime time to pounce. Weekend afternoons or midmornings, first thing pre-work…the totally satisfied set never discriminates. “Seven in the morning is the only time we have to ourselves, so that’s when we get it on,” says Anne, 37. “I swear, we’ve gone from once-a-weekers to sexaholics.”

Secret #5: Have a titillating soundtrack
Music has a way of altering people’s moods in an instant, so it comes as no surprise that the right CD could steer you straight to the bedroom. Rachel, 33, knows exactly what to play to pump up the passion. “During our honeymoon, my husband and I had awesome sex to Prince,” she says. “Now when we hear it, we both get that sly twinkle in our eyes. To make sure we do it often, one of us will play it as a clear sign that we’re about to, um, make music together. It’s kept our marriage just as passionate as it was when we first tied the knot.”

Secret #6: Consider sex a cure-all
Excuses, excuses — it’s so easy to find reasons to put off slipping into the sack. You’re exhausted. You’re stressed. You’re annoyed and bickering over something silly. Stop right there and consider what sexy sirens know all too well: that doing the deed can actually alleviate exhaustion, stress and tension — the very things that are supposedly keeping you from getting down in the first place! Once Alix, 33, realized that having sex would energize her rather than drain her, she found plenty of opportunities to use a little lovin’ for an energy boost. “I used to always succumb to exhaustion when I was home,” she says. “But now, when I’m tired, instead of shrugging off my husband’s seduction attempts, I’ll tell myself, ‘Just do it — you’ll be glad you did afterward.’” And she always is. “It’s taken our lovemaking frequency from so-so to nearly every day,” she says. “It’s so great to think of sex as a way to connect and feel calmer rather than just another thing on my to-do list.”

Secret #7: Be passionate…all day
Doing-it dynamos don’t reserve their libidinous fervor just for the bedroom. These people live sexually, adding spice to everyday activities. As a result, they develop a heightened sense of desire, which makes them crave sex 24/7. “I consciously add some zing to all different little areas in my life,” says Amanda, 35. “I do things like wear silky undies, buy myself an ice cream cone and eat it really suggestively or take the most luxurious shower before work with all sorts of scrubs and creams. They keep that erotic energy in me at a constant hum. Plus, they’re all subtle activities that don’t require hiding from my daughters.”
Of course, you want him to be buzzing with sexual electricity too. “I do things in the morning that get him lusting after me,” says Diana, 34. “A stretch while I’m getting dressed, where I raise my arms, arch my back and stick my chest out in front of him, does wonders. Calling out to him from the shower to bring me a towel gives him dirty ideas too. I give him an eyeful that he reruns in his mind all day. Sex is inevitable that evening.”

Secret #8: Don’t saddle sex with tons of work
Passionately prolific couples have a philosophy: Frequent sex, no matter what kind, is an absolute must. So if sex sometimes has to be a quickie — a.k.a. a fast-and-furious romp without romantic trimmings — so what? It’s still good sex. “You have to go with the moment,” advises Elizabeth, 38. “If the kids are coming home from school in 20 minutes, don’t try to light a bunch of candles and dig out your Al Green album. This is when you nab the window of opportunity and jump on each other. It’s done wonders for our sex life.”

Article by Redbook 

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In this book, you’ll learn how to awaken your secret orgasmic trigger, the G-spot. With step-by-step instruction for both men and women, this book shows how to give and receive incredibly powerful G-spot orgasms that take you to the ultimate point of pleasure—female ejaculation.

You may have heard the widespread myth that only a select few women have the ability to achieve an orgasm heightened by ejaculation. Don’t believe it. With the correct stimulation, any woman can enjoy the full-body satisfaction that comes from the total orgasmic release of female ejaculation.

In Female Ejaculation you’ll find answers to all your questions:

• What is female ejaculation?
• Where is the G-spot?
• How is the G-spot best stimulated?
• How can I experience female ejaculation?

As the classic comedy, Clerks famously quipped, it’s simple for men to reach orgasm. (“Insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat.”)

But for her to reach the big O? Count the ways. According to the latest research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, vaginal and clitoral orgasms are, in fact, separate sensations.

Don’t obsess over the source of her pleasure, though—just try something new. Interest in testing out new positions actually makes a big difference in her pleasure and her arousal, explains Jen Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women.

Whether your goal is to give her a blended orgasm or target her G-spot, focus on vaginal pleasure or hone in on her clitoris, we’ve rounded up four positions that will help you perform like a pro in between the sheets.

For ultimate access to her clitoris, try: The Pretzel a.k.a. The Camel Ride

How it works: Kneel and straddle her left leg while she’s lying on her left side. From here, she should bend her right leg around the right side of your waist—allowing full access to her vagina. This position is an upgrade from standard missionary because this sets you up for deeper penetration and allows you to slow your roll.  “Most women find sex much more pleasurable when it’s not just constant thrusting,” says Landa. So spend some time exploring her body.  This setup gives you complete access to her clitoris for manual stimulation. But don’t feel limited to solely hands on fun. Try withdrawing your penis and, while holding the shaft with your left hand, rub the head against her clitoris. Start out soft and slow, then as you increase speed and pressure, reinsert once you’ve brought her to the brink of an orgasm.

For targeting her G-Spot, try: The Standing Dragon a.k.a. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Serpent

How it works: Position her on the edge of the bed, posing on all fours. As you stand behind her, have her arch her back so it lifts her butt upward. With your legs outside of hers, use your thighs to squeeze her knees together, which tightens her vagina around your penis. This position is ideal for G-spot stimulation and also gives you a great view of her curves.

For intensifying vaginal pleasure, you should try: The Flatiron a.k.a. Downward Dog

How it works: Have her lie face down on the bed with her knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort, and to increase the angle of her hips, you can suggest placing a pillow under her lower abs. From here, enter her from behind and keep your weight off of her by propping yourself up with your arms. This position creates a snug fit—which intensifies her pleasure by making you feel larger to her. (A killer tip for you: You’ll last longer in this position if you switch to shallower thrusts and deeper breaths.)

For optimal dual pleasure, you should try: The Pole Position a.k.a. Thighmaster

How it works: Lie on your back and bend one of your legs, keeping the other outstretched. Have her straddle the raised leg with a thigh on either side and then lower herself onto your member so that her back is facing you. From here, she should hold your knee and use it for support as she rocks up and down. “This position is great, because it’s a lot like the reverse cowgirl, but with a twist,” says Landa. Raising your knee allows her to rub against your thigh—which produces optimal clitoral stimulation, says Landa.

Still hungry for more sizzling sex positions? Then pick up a copy of The Men’s Health Big Book Of Sex for hundreds of ways to keep her satisfied and coming back for more.

The visual eroticism of nipple suction. It’s all here in the most exquisitely designed implements of fetish ever created. Handles are a shimmering, decorated black glass — non-porous, hygienic and perfect for penetration. It’s all part of the Fashionistas approach to life and love… where pain meets pleasure, fashion meets passion and orgasmic bliss is just a sting away.

To use, just press one of the Fashionistas Nipple Suckers to your nipple. Since these nipple pumps come as a set of two, you can handle one nipple sucker while your partner pumps the other! Press the nipple sucker’s bulb down slightly until you create an airtight seal, then pump away! In just a squeeze, you’ll pump up your nipple to new heights. (For best results, squeeze nipple pump bulb before you attach the Fashionistas Nipple Suckers to your nipples.)

Use your Fashionistas Nipple Suckers for a temporary nipple lift or repeated teasing. These nipple pumps can be a fun addition to your bondage sex toy set. And since the Fashionistas Nipple Suckers come with 2 sets of 4 (8 total!) different stretchy nipple rings, you can ensure that your nipples stay hard. Put on the nipple rings after you’ve pumped up your nipples, or roll the rings onto the bottoms of the glass vacuum tubes. Once you’ve pumped your nipples up, then just roll the ring down right over your newly-erect nipple.

1. How do I bring up the idea of using a vibrator during sex without offending my guy?
Since sex toys are everywhere from Mad Men to drugstores, tell him that you saw something on TV or read an article (like this one!) about enhancing your sex life with a vibrator and ask him if he’d want to try it out, suggests sex therapist Lori Buckley, Psy.D. That way he knows the vibrator isn’t replacing him and he’s not doing anything wrong; you’re simply curious.

2. He’s on board. Now what?
Suggest going to buy a vibrator together! (Or just invite him to use yours on various parts of your body.) Your words, moans, and sighs will teach him what feels good where.

3. Can we use the toy back and forth on each other?
“If you feel that you need to keep using condoms with your partner to avoid infection, don’t share unprotected sex toys either,” says WH sexuality advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. Put a condom over the vibrator, and always clean it or put a new condom on it before using it in different orifices to prevent the transfer of bacteria. A love glove will also protect you from germs that lurk on hard-to-clean materials like rubber.

4. Do I need one of those special cleaners for my vibrator?
Nope. Warm soapy water does the trick. (Just remember to remove the batteries before cleaning!) Sex-toy cleaners (you can find some at pureromance.com) are good to keep by your bed, but wait until the vibrator is dry before inserting it back into your vagina. “You want to keep chemicals out of there,” says Herbenick.

5. My batteries give out so quickly. Any way to make them last longer?
Always remove the batteries when you’re done playing. It’s the best way to conserve power and to prevent the toy from accidentally switching on, says Herbenick.

6. Does a vibrator desensitize a woman to the real deal?
No one has really studied this, but as long as your sessions last minutes, not hours, you’re fine. Vibration can temporarily desensitize any part of your body. But in Herbenick’s studies, the few women who reported pain or numbing from vibrator use said it was mild and went away within an hour. And while women’s genitals become less sensitive with age, “lower sensitivity isn’t linked to poorer sex,” says Herbenick. Whew!

BY BRITTANY RISHER FOR WOMEN’S HEALTH, PHOTOGRAPHY BY ISTOCKPHOTO/THINKSTOCK

NY Times calls it ‘mommy porn’.

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